She Dreamed in Gray
by hearyoumee
Summary: You wouldn't think anything wrong just by looking at him, but on those mornings when the rain comes down, if you look closely, you might catch a glimpse. This morning is one of those mornings. AH. Jasper/Bella.


**I don't own Twilight.**

**Note: A few months ago I removed all of my stories and, as of now, this is the only story I will be re-posting.**

**This for Margot.**

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><p><strong>She Dreamed in Gray<strong>

He sits in the back corner of the diner; you can find him there every Saturday morning, without fail. You wouldn't think anything wrong just by looking at him, but on those mornings when the rain comes down, if you look closely, you might catch a glimpse.

This morning is one of those mornings.

If you were to ask around, more times than not, you would be told that he was remembering _her_, thinking about that short time she was here, and the storm that was her departure.

x-x-x

Jasper was working, same as every other Saturday morning. The rain was coming down extra heavy that day; if it kept up he suspected there'd be some flooding in certain parts of town. One of those places just so happened to be the street the diner was on.

His thoughts were filled with his car, and how he would get to it in the inches of water that were sure to accumulate over the next few hours. He didn't notice the front bell ring when the door opened, as he was under the front counter, fiddling with the coffee pots. He didn't notice the girl who sat down in the far corner booth. She faced the wall, her long mahogany hair falling to form a curtain around her face as she took out a notebook and wrote.

By the time he made it to her to take her order she had packed up what she had been writing, stuffing it into an oversized bag beside her, and folding her hands to rest on the table. "Is there anything I can get you," he had said. He was met with wide brown eyes and a small smile. "Just a coffee, please," she replied.

Pouring her coffee at the counter, he had found himself watching her. Hands crossed, straight posture, as though someone sat across from her. Perhaps she's waiting for someone, he had wondered. But she was alone, as she would often be.

He'd never seen her before; Forks was a small enough town, and everyone knew everyone.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he had brought her coffee back to her. She thanked him and denied milk or creamer, taking a large swallow. Best as it is, she would later tell him. Why change something that doesn't need changing?

Upon bringing her a second cup, he had decided she must be around his age. If that assumption was correct, she was Chief Swan's daughter.

Word around town had been that she was coming to stay with him. He thought Bella was her name, though he couldn't be sure. He had heard Lillian Hale gossiping about it one afternoon. It wasn't hard to overhear Lillian Hale; she never tried to be discreet, that wasn't her way. She had said something along the lines of Renee Swan being the craziest woman she had ever met, And went on to criticize the Chief on how it shouldn't have taken so long for him to intervene.

It turned out Lillian hadn't been the only one talking about the Chief's daughter's arrival. The whole town had pretty much taken to the topic. Apparently Renee Swan could be described as flighty, at best. Some called her crazy, as Lillian had, and some just said she was a free spirit; settling down wasn't for her.

That Saturday night he heard of that gossip first hand. Rosalie and Alice couldn't get enough, of course, listening in wherever they could. While Rosalie took after her mother, Alice couldn't be more different than Vanessa Kennedy-Brandon.

Rosalie Hale took after her mother in every respect. Alice Brandon was nothing like her parents though, which was expected when you leave your daughter to be raised by nannies. Rosalie and Alice were inseparable, growing up like sisters, and together made a force that could rival Lillian Hale any time.

Bella Swan just happened to be the topic of their conversation that night. As usual, most of the information they relayed was straight from the mouth of Lillian, but some was found in their own ways. They spoke of how Charlie Swan had had enough and was taking his daughter back, she needed a stable environment, and Renee was not suitable to raise a child. They heard that Bella was strange, like her mother, and was coming against her will. When they ran out of reliable information, they moved on to their own dissection of what they had come across, giving their oh-so-important opinions.

Bella had been in town one day, and though they had yet to even see her, they already had their judgments in place. She would never fit in, they said. She wouldn't last long in a place like this; it wasn't right for her.

Jasper never shared with them that night what he knew of Bella Swan. The information he possessed felt private somehow. He didn't want them to taint the way he knew her, what he had witnessed firsthand.

He knew Bella wasn't like them, like others even. But what was normal anyway? Rosalie and Alice? Certainly not. Emmett and Jasper? No. And Jasper knew he wasn't normal either.

He also knew that they all thought they were the normal ones. And by their standards maybe they were. In their world, yes. Because they lived in a world where everything was handed to them. A world of wealth. A world Jasper was not familiar with, even though he was a small part of it every day.

x-x-x

The waitress brings Jasper his coffee. She doesn't need to take his order; she already knows what he would say. There was no need to ask how he wanted it either; if she were to ask, the answer would be black. He might even tell her that it's best as is; he might say that you shouldn't change something that doesn't need changing.

But he won't say those things, because she doesn't ask. Not anymore.

Aro watches from his office door behind the counter. He remembers the time when the boy wasn't a customer there, but a waiter himself. The time when someone else sat at that booth every Saturday morning, and the boy would go to her.

He knows why the boy chooses that place to sit every Saturday, why he chooses that side to sit on. He can't take the other side because that's _her_ seat. But that's not the only reason. No, if he sat facing the wall, he couldn't see what was happening around the room. He couldn't see who would come through the door.

He knew what that young man was hoping for, but he also knew it was like chasing a ghost. It would never happen. He just didn't have the heart to tell him. And neither did anyone else in that town. It didn't matter though, because Aro knew that the boy must have known. This was just his way of coping, perhaps.

Everybody can dream. It's what gets you through the day.

x-x-x

Jasper watched Bella from afar every week when she came to the diner on those Saturday mornings. As each new Saturday came, he found himself looking forward to seeing her.

They never spoke much, only a simple thank you, or a nod when he brought her coffee. He never took her order anymore; he knew what she wanted - they had somewhat of a routine. She would come in and sit in her back corner booth, always the side facing the wall, and he would bring her coffee.

Sometimes though, more frequently, he longed to speak to her more. He wondered why she always sat with her back to the open room. He wondered why he never saw her other than those mornings, not just at the diner, but anywhere else as well. He wondered what she wrote in her notebook, what else she kept in the large bag she had with her every week.

But he didn't know her well enough to ask those things. He didn't even learn her name in the proper way; he knew it not from her, but from the town gossip. And since he didn't wear a name tag, he was fairly certain that she didn't know his.

School would begin again in just a few weeks and he wanted to know more about her before then, so he began to make more of an effort to speak to her. He started by introducing himself. She smiled and told him her name was Bella. Over that short span of time, before school began and things got messy, Jasper learned more about Bella than he knew about even his own friends. And most importantly, he learned what most of the gossip had gotten wrong.

Bella was not forced to come to Forks against her will; she had come without complaint. She had talked to Charlie weekly by phone, and when he'd mentioned that she could come she jumped at the opportunity. One thing he had heard that turned out to be true was what they said about Renee. Bella said that Renee was like a child herself, and because of that Bella was forced to be the adult more times than not. She didn't fit in well with other kids her age because of this. She said Charlie always told her she was just wise beyond her years, but her tone told him she didn't exactly agree with that.

The more Jasper was around Bella, the more he noticed that she never seemed very happy. It may just have been that she was quiet, or shy, but it just never sat well with him.

By the time school started, they had begun a new routine. Jasper would continue to bring her coffee just as he always had, only he began to take his breaks in accordance with her schedule so he could sit with her. She still came to the diner alone.

When he asked her about it, she would only say that she didn't know anyone yet and that it was better this way anyway. She didn't fit in easily, and with her shyness it was for the best; she didn't mind her alone time. Her tone and eyes told him otherwise. He never pushed her to talk about it though; he always respected her space.

But as school started, instead of clearing, the skies only grew darker.

x-x-x

Charlie goes for his breakfast at the diner every weekend, arriving promptly at eight. He stays only to drink his coffee and eat his eggs; he orders nothing else, always gone by nine.

And every Saturday morning as he waits for his eggs, he watches the boy from his seat at the counter. If there was anyone who knew how he felt, even just a little, it would be Charlie Swan.

He knew that boy blamed himself, just as Charlie once blamed _his_ own self. But as time passed and things and people healed, Charlie learned to know that he couldn't blame himself. No one was at fault. Especially not the boy.

But you can't make someone believe something that they just can't accept.

x-x-x

He didn't know what exactly it was that he expected would happen when school started, but it wasn't what anyone would probably hedge to guess.

Jasper and Bella's unique friendship didn't stretch well beyond the diner. Rosalie and Alice were judgmental, Jasper and Emmett didn't understand, and Jasper didn't know where his loyalty stood.

While Jasper had known them practically all his life, he knew his friends didn't really understand him. They all grew up together, but he had grown up differently.

They had led privileged lives from the day they were born; Jasper had never known any of that. Rosalie's father ran a law firm with Alice's parents, and her mother came from a wealthy family. Jasper's father was a doctor and his mother a designer. Emmett's father was CEO of an advertising firm, though his mother had been out of the picture since he was just a child. Jasper's mother was a writer; she had moderate success, but never enough to live the life his friends did.

While Jasper worked at the diner on weekends and some weeknights, his friends never worked a day in their lives. He was close with his friends, and he understood them, but they just didn't get it.

Bella understood. The bond they shared was quick to take hold, but strong nonetheless. He didn't have to explain things to her the way he did the others, and he could read her like a book. Or so he thought.

As Jasper struggled to choose his place, he watched Bella struggling to keep herself together. He saw she had been correct in what she had shared with him; she was incredibly shy and didn't speak much to the other students. Other than himself, he only saw her speak to one other person, Angela Webber.

No one was outright mean to Bella, but they didn't exactly treat her kindly either. The rumors that flew before her arrival had cemented their judgments against her, classifying her in their minds however they pleased. She was the strange girl, the one no one wanted to talk to. And the longer no one embraced her, the stronger their beliefs became. Matters weren't helped when Rosalie and Alice would snicker and mock from afar, only encouraging others to do the same.

All the while Jasper stood aside, not knowing where he belonged. If Bella was disappointed in him, she never showed it. Their Saturday mornings continued on the same as they always had. Some days she seemed better than others, but she would never tell him why.

As the months passed on and Jasper distanced himself more and more from his friends, Bella grew quieter. She would speak with Jasper when he spoke first, but never initiated conversation. Her eyes told him something was bothering her, but he couldn't figure out what. She wouldn't answer when he asked her, always evading or changing the subject.

While Bella had once sat in what Jasper had considered perfect posture on her first visit to the diner, she now slouched more, her shoulders hunched over like she was protecting her middle. She still sat with her back to the room, but her eyes cast downward to the table instead of the wall in front of her. She still carried her bag with her, but no longer took out her notebook to write. Some days she would take her coffee and just hold it, never taking one sip. But the times that worried Jasper the most were those few mornings she hadn't shown up at all. There were even a few days that she didn't show up to school, either. After the first absences he had gone to her house. The Chief answered the door only to send him away; she wasn't feeling well he had said, and she didn't want visitors.

Jasper gave her space, figuring that was for the best. Only days later, he was wishing he had tried harder.

x-x-x

She doesn't watch Jasper. She can't. His moments at the diner seem too private.

The place looks the same, even after all the years that have passed. It would seem that Saturday mornings were busier these days though. Instead of the quite open space it used to be, it was now a flurry of people coming and going.

It had been awhile, but the time was necessary. Just as it was necessary that this happen now.

The burden of blame is too great to be held on the shoulders of someone who doesn't deserve it.

x-x-x

Jasper hadn't seen it coming. It made the guilt come that much heavier.

Bella didn't show up for school. But this time it was different. By the time third period came around, the talk was circulating.

Jessica Stanley, having seen it all firsthand from her house next door, was giving her eyewitness account of the events that had gone down. And by the end of the day, word of Bella's breakdown had reached everyone's ears.

Charlie Swan had come home to walk into something he hadn't expected. No one knew what had triggered it, but she was already too far gone by the time he had gotten there. Days after she had been taken away to the facility in Seattle, she was transferred down to Florida to be closer to her mother.

The whispers carried on, and more rumors spread in the following weeks. But in time, it became old news, just as many other things had in the past. To a degree, it was like she had never even been there in the first place.

As everyone moved on, Jasper felt stuck in place. If only he had pushed her more to talk to him. If only he had tried to make Charlie let him see her. If only he had stuck up for her more. If only he had treated her they way he knew he should have. If only he had paid better attention.

He never found out the details; he didn't want to know. He knew she had been depressed, that it got too far, became too great to handle, but he didn't want to hear more. He blamed himself in part for what had happened to her. His mother couldn't convince him otherwise, and neither could Charlie. He was a lost cause.

All Jasper could think was that because he had been scared and selfish, thinking of himself first, he wasn't there for her the way he should have been. The way she had needed him to be.

x-x-x

Jasper knew they watched him. Every week he knew what they thought of him, waiting there for something that would never happen. He didn't want their pity.

Aside from Charlie, no one ever tried to talk to him. Even the waitress only said what was needed; she had given up on small talk long ago.

And it didn't go past his attention that Charlie hadn't approached him this morning. He didn't care though; he didn't need conversation. There was only one person he wanted to talk to. One person he needed to talk to. And she wasn't there. He wasn't expecting her to be.

He always sat in her booth, always on the side facing hers. Her seat always needed to be open. Even though he tells himself not to hope, his eyes always scan the open room before him. Even after all these years, he still gets nervous when the bell above the door rings, signaling a new customer.

Yes, he tells himself not to hope. But he can't make himself stop.

This day is different though. He doesn't know how, but it's there, that feeling he can't shake. The way people glance his way, as if they know something he doesn't. Maybe he's just paranoid.

The bell rings, the twelfth time since his arrival. He's counted. He always counts.

He looks to the door and thinks he must be dreaming; a ghost from the past, wishful thinking. But as she moves in his direction he tells himself this is all real. Very real.

Because he is met with wide brown eyes and a small smile.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading.<strong>


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